Feelings…Nothing More Than Feelings
December 13th, 2008Recently I had the pleasure of spending time with my 2 ½ year old nephew. There is something so simple and pure about being with a two-year old’s energy. As adults we can also learn from that energy the rewards of fully expressing our emotions.
When a two-year old is frustrated, happy, disappointed or elated, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to notice and name the emotion. At times these raw emotions can test even someone who has the patience of Mother Teresa, but the energy of the emotions is pure.
As adults, we learn to curb our emotions. Could you imagine sitting in a business meeting and being told that your idea won’t work and throwing yourself on the floor, kicking and screaming until you got your way? In growing up, we all learn “appropriate” times to express our emotions, and that a business meeting may not be the best choice.
As a life coach, however, I see the price clients pay having shut down so many feelings in their lives. Often there are few (if any) times that seem appropriate to express their emotions. This leaves many of us not feeling much at all, most of the time. Our emotions then become inaccessible.
It may sound safe to shut down “bad” emotions, but by shutting down the “bad,” you also limit the amount of the “good” that can be experienced. As we block things out, we begin to close down and block the flow of energy in our lives.
Think of your life flow as the cross-section of an artery. As emotions are blocked from such typical things as anger, resentment, frustration, denial, etc. the artery begins to get clogged – just like it does in heart disease. As the amount of blockage grows, the amount of life flowing through it decreases so much that we are unable to enjoy or feel the life force coming through. We choose not to feel, go on auto-pilot, and begin to die a slow death.
What can you do about it? Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Be with the emotions. Feel anger; experience delight; go deeper. What is there? What is anger like? How does it feel? Even if it’s uncomfortable, remember that you are in a very safe space and all you are doing is experiencing your feelings.
Once you begin to feel again, the pain probably isn’t as bad as you had imagined. The uncomfortable feeling may pass in some cases very quickly allowing more life energy to flow through the “artery” and allowing life to open up. It’s being available to your emotions and your life that gives it depth and meaning.
Here’s a disclaimer: if the emotion is based on something very serious or you are extremely resistant or impacted by your emotions, you may need a therapist or counselor. This person can help to dig through these situations and do some healing from the past. Remember, life coaching is about feeling things now, increasing energy flow and moving forward with intent. There is a distinct difference.
The message is to open up and feel what’s happening in your life – both the “good” and the “bad.” You have the freedom and safety to un-clog the artery and live your life fully. Let it flow!
Coaching Challenge: Select something in your life that charges you (people pulling out in front of you, feeling stupid, a comment made by a co-worker or spouse, etc.) and consciously try on the emotions. Choose any way you can to be with your emotions. It could be journaling, simply sitting with them or talking to someone you trust. Fully be with the emotion. Go to the depths, explore. You’ll probably find that it isn’t as deep or as bad and you think. Once you give yourself permission to feel and experience it, see if you can gain back some of your freedom and life flow. As you move forward in life, be more aware of your feelings and experience them fully. Hopefully you’ll find that it isn’t that scary, and once you move the blocks out of the way, life flows so much more freely.