The other day I was talking to a hair stylist about life coaching. People find themselves in the stylist’s chair revealing very personal experiences, feelings, hopes and dreams. For some reason, just sitting in the chair helps people to relax and relate. As I explained how coaching helps people get “un-stuck,” the stylist’s eyes lit up as I explained that coaching helps people who desire change, long for movement and clarity, yet often don’t know where to start. It’s not counseling or therapy where you’re dwelling on the past,” I explained. “It’s more about movement and looking at where you are right now and where you want to go. It could be answering questions like, ‘what have I wanted to do, but haven’t?’” She immediately rattled off two or three clients who could use this type of service and then paused as if she were answering this question for herself.
We all know someone who seems to have the same old drama going on in his/her life. This is the person who gets you on the phone and goes on and on and on about the same thing. “And then she said…so I said…and it just isn’t fair, he shouldn’t be doing that.” But when you ask your friend how she is going to move forward in the situation, she is either speechless or begins to tell you more about the he-said/she-said story. It becomes an endless loop. One of my clients recently said coaching has helped her realize how many choices she really has. In our coaching sessions, we might begin with something that is happening in her life and then look for even deeper meaning including values, goals and expectations that perhaps are not being met. I ask her what changes she’d like to make and brainstorm ways to make it happen. As her coach, I become her accountability system to make sure she is not just talking about it, but really choosing to make movement. It’s very action and results oriented which most people find very empowering. The next time you find yourself or someone close to you relating their “story” and describing what he said/she said, etc. ask, “Do you want to remain stuck? What do you get out of being the victim? “She may not answer “yes,” but her continual ongoing story, will help you to realize what is really happening and give you the option to remove your energy and attention from her drama. If you choose to stay in her stuck energy, aren’t you really choosing to remain stuck yourself? Coaching Challenge: Take a few minutes to answer the questions (in a journal, if possible):
- What am I tolerating in my life?
- Where do I limit myself?
- What are the possibilities?
By reflecting on these questions, you may reveal some places in your own life where you might be stuck. Realizing this is the start to moving forward. Are you ready and willing to move forward?