Jan dove into our coaching session by talking about how busy she had been lately. Being a stay-at-home mom, there weren’t slow times or busy seasons as may be the case in a business office. Every day was just as busy as the day before. The dynamics and schedule may change from day-to-day, but she was still responsible for managing the household and raising her kids while her husband, Jeff, worked.

“Yesterday my schedule was completely off,” she began. “I thought I had it all planned, but then Danny woke up with a fever. Not able to take him to day care threw a wrench in my whole day. Jeff was unable to help and my mom is out of town.”

She continued to explain the craziness and got even more exhausted as she recounted her story. Listening helped because it gave her a space in which to vent.

I then interrupted her and asked, “Jan, how are YOU in all of this?” She paused and immediately shifted from telling the story, to getting present with her feelings.

Jan looked at me and swallowed the words that were halfway out her mouth. “How am I?” she asked as she looked down, a slight break in her voice. “I haven’t slowed down long enough to know,” Jan said. “No one ever asks how I am.” She said.

I asked again, “Jan, how are you?”

“I’m sorry I’m so emotional,” she said grabbing a tissue. “People just don’t normally ask how I am doing. My life is about asking others how they are doing and being in service to their needs. Take the kids for example. My energy starts flowing the second I get up in the morning.”

“Where else does your energy flow out?” I asked.

“All over the place!” she said. “It’s amazing I have any left at the end of the day.  I feel empty.”

“Since you were talking about flow and feeling empty, let’s play with the analogy of a water pitcher,” I suggest. “This morning when you got up, how full was your pitcher?”

“I slept well last night so my pitcher was about three-quarters full this morning.”

“It’s about 4 o’clock now.  Based on the stories you told me earlier, how full is your water pitcher now?” I asked.

She held up her fingers about an inch apart to symbolize that the water level in her “pitcher” had dropped significantly.

“How do you fill your pitcher? You mentioned sleep, but what else and how often do you get to fill it?”

“I fill my pitcher by going to the bookstore, enjoying a movie, reading my book, and once a month, I get girls’ night out,” Jan said smiling.

“If your pitcher today is nearly empty, how and when will you fill it?” I asked.

“That’s the problem. I continually pour water from my pitcher and rarely fill it up. It’s no wonder I get irritated; I’m empty most of the time!” Jan said.

“How can you remind yourself to fill your water pitcher so you have enough water to pour for others?” I said, continuing the analogy.

“I will fill a pitcher and set it on my kitchen counter to remind me to keep monitoring my water levels and keep my pitcher full.”

“How will you fill it tonight so you start tomorrow with enough water?”

“I’ll stop by the bookstore on my way home and take a nice warm bath tonight after the kids go to bed. I’ll even email you tomorrow to let you know I did it. I know how you are about accountability.”

As we closed our session, I handed Jan a water bottle and said, “Here’s to filling your pitcher.”

Coaching Challenge:  Use the water pitcher analogy to measure your energy levels. Pretend as though you started today with a full pitcher of water. Where did you pour water (energy) out of your pitcher and where did you fill it? Notice how full is the pitcher when you go to bed and again when you wake up. How can you continue to add enough water to keep the pitcher full?

I ran into someone the other day and he started to talk about a life change he had recently undergone. He explained how he never realized how much strain he had been under until he changed jobs. Looking back he saw how his work schedule had imposed on his ability to be present for his family, which ultimately resulted in a divorce. His previous work schedule had nearly consumed him and threatened everything that was important in his life.

Now that he had moved on, he could see where he had been stuck and said he regretted not having made the change sooner. Why don’t we change when everything around us is screaming – “GET OUT!”?

I told him the story of the frog in the pot. If you try to put a frog into a pot of boiling water, it will immediately jump out. If, however, you put the frog into a pot of water and slowly turn up the heat, the frog gets used to it. Once it realizes it is boiling, it can’t jump out because it is either incapacitated or dead. We don’t take charge and make changes because we don’t pause long enough to realize that the temperature is rising and it’s getting hot!

How often do you check with your inner voice? What is the temperature of the water in your life? What are you tolerating in the important areas of your life – Career, Spirituality, Recreation, Romance, Health, Living Space, Family, Finances? We get SO busy that our alert systems shut down. The battery dies…and so do we, slowly.

Life Coaching is a great place to notice the temperature of the water you swim in every day. Are you treading water, swimming laps, gliding underwater, sinking or boiling? In this analogy, perhaps coaching can be seen as a life raft in the middle of the ocean of life. Coaching pulls you out of the water long enough to breathe, reflect, rest, and decide what’s next.

By simply noticing where you are, you’ve taken the first step and can make some powerful choices to move your life forward. Right now, make a commitment to yourself – it may be a very small step — to move forward. The real question is, if you continued to actively make small steps forward, where would you be in a week? A month? A year?

Coaching Challenge: Draw a circle and divide it into eight even pieces. Label the wedges: Career, Spirituality, Recreation, Romance, Health, Living Space, Family, Finances.  The center of the circle is 1 and the outside edge of the circle is a 10. Rank your satisfaction in each area of your life with a 1 meaning least satisfied and a 10 meaning completely satisfied.  Then draw a straight or curved line between the dots to create a new outer edge. What does your wheel look like now? Does your wheel look like a flat tire? If this was a real wheel, would the ride be smooth or bumpy?

Note: This exercise is included under “Client Resources” on the Living On Purpose Website. To do this exercise, click here.

In the middle of a recent coaching appointment, both the client and I had a huge realization. She was completely bored with her life! As we were talking about a decision she was facing, it wasn’t the opportunity that was appealing; it was the thought of welcoming change – any change – into her life that had caught her attention.

“What’s challenging to you right now? What is exciting in your life? Where do you find passion?” I asked. To each question, she gave me a puzzled, almost painful look. She did not have an answer.

Finally, she explained, “I work hard and am successful in my career. I got married, had kids, survived divorce and am now working hard to keep some balance in my life. Life feels functional; I have a lot of responsibilities and I find that the only real challenge is juggling the activities in my life.” But where was the passion?

It’s easy to see how this can happen. When we were in school, our goal was to graduate. Then we wanted to get a good job. Next it was to meet someone and get married, have kids, be a good parent, etc. Now that we’ve done all that, what are we moving towards? The first part of life seemed so structured. We knew what we were “supposed” to do and what was “normal” and what came next. But who makes the rules and sets the goals now? What is “supposed” to happen next?

“Imagine that you are the writer and director of a movie – your movie,” I said, introducing an analogy for us to play with. “The stage is set, several plot lines have been introduced, and there is a cast of characters with you as the lead. Tell me how the story unfolds. What happens next?” Sounds pretty open-ended, right? The irony is that this much flexibility can be stifling!

She looked at me, completely stuck. I pressed, “Where is the passion?” She had become so busy just managing her day-to-day life that she had forgotten.

We then reconstructed and described each of the eras of her life. We began in childhood and moved on to the School Era, the Single Years, the Relationship to Marriage Era, the Family and then the Divorce Years, which brings us to now.

We brainstormed her future Eras. The next one was called Back to Me. Travel Time came next, which naturally flowed into the Relaxation, Retirement and Grandparent Eras. We talked about each one and built a loose framework for her future. As we watched the chapters unfold, she saw where she was now with more perspective as to how it fit into the rest of the story.

By creating descriptions for each time period (including the tone, color, theme song, motto, etc.), we provided clarity and dimension to the various segments of her story. Excitement grew as her entire life began to feel more alive and connected. Ideas sprang forth that took completely by surprise and the boredom disappeared. We had, in effect, re-energized her life by adjusting her perspective.

Stepping outside of the day-to-day responsibilities can help to gain a broader perspective. This macro-view provides the big picture along with the details…and how it all fits together to make up your life. By knowing where you’ve been and where you plan to go you gain a better understanding of where you are right now. Isn’t life really all about right now?

Coaching Challenge: Review your life and write down the major eras. Describe each segment by answering the following questions:

•    What is the overall theme of this time period?

•    If you had to describe this era with an article of clothing, what would it be?

•    What is the lead song on the soundtrack of this era?

•    What kind of car do you drive?

•    What would a bumper sticker on your car say?

Now list the upcoming time periods in your life. Create the macro view. Then focus in on each one and answer the questions above. Have fun with it. See where you are going. Imagine the possibilities, and feel the passion!

As January 1^st draws near, it is the perfect time to ask yourself: What do I want more of in my life? And what do I want less of? Isn’t that the core of New Year’s Resolutions?

One of my clients recently asked for help in defining and keeping her resolutions. She had one of the most popular resolutions: to get in shape. It seemed very important to her, fueling her desire to make changes and move forward.

By asking a few questions, it was easy to determine where she was and help clarify her goals. The more specific she got, the more excited she became. It was as though imagining it and talking about it took her one step closer to achieving it. Putting forth intention and the energy behind words can be very powerful and a great first step. To make it even more concrete and do-able, we got even more exact. I asked her to clarify the following:

• Goals – What do you want to happen? What is the outcome? Make sure your goals are measureable, specific and attainable.
• Resources – What supports you in this area?
• Red Flags – How do you know when you are not in line with this goal?
• Affirmations – What statements help you move towards this goal?

Here’s how it looked for her intention of “getting in shape:”

• Goal — Workout at least three times per week for 40 minutes, combining weight training, flexibility and cardio-vascular conditioning. Lose 10 pounds of fat in 8 months. Decrease my body fat percentage by 3 points.
• Resources – My health club, a personal trainer, a nutritionist and my favorite fitness magazine.
• Red Flags – When my clothes begin to feel snug; I feel lethargic, and I start to gain weight.
• Affirmation –When I take care of my body, it takes care of me.

After we had a framework, an action plan and some accountability for “getting in shape,” we then moved on to her second priority, Romantic Relationships.

When we finished looking at all eight areas of her life (Fun & Recreation, Physical Environment, Career, Money, Health, Friends & Family, Significant Other/Romance, and Personal Growth), we had done some incredible work and she had specific milestones to guide and track her progress.

I then took the worksheets and folded them in half. I told her that she could have them back, but I wanted to know the one word that would help her to keep her resolutions. “You already know the word,” I assured her. “The word you are looking for is the basis for truly changing your life. It doesn’t have to do with any particular area of your life. It has to do with you. What is this word?”

She thought for a minute, hesitated and said, “Authenticity.” I knew from the way she said it that this was the word. It didn’t matter what area of her life we looked at, if she approached it with authenticity, she could reach her goals.

And so, after an hour of completing worksheets, diving into all areas of her life, it really came down to one word: authenticity. She could use all of her creative ideas and hard work to move forward in each of these areas, but it became very simple. Her ONLY resolution, then, became, “To keep my word: authenticity.” That makes it easy to remember and to measure her progress…every day.

Coach’s Challenge:

Create your New Year’s Resolution by identifying one word that impacts all areas of your life. Here are some examples: honesty, integrity, education, creativity, courage, kindness, efficiency, faith, focus, etc. Select one and move forward keeping this word in mind. If you can post it in several places, it serves as a constant reminder to integrate it into all areas of your life. This then becomes your one-word New Year’s Resolution. Happy New Year!