I went to lunch with a friend who was trying to understand the concept of “life coaching.” He said he was satisfied in his life and didn’t think he was a good candidate for life coaching. It is clear that he is successful in his career and appears to be satisfied with his life. But as we delved deeper, we uncovered an area that he would like to develop further, an area where coaching might help – and it didn’t require turning his world upside down.

 

A person might find herself in a well-paying job – something she has studied in school or spent the last 20+ years doing – but still she longs for more. “What do I want to be when I grow up?” she asks herself as though she were 10 years old.

 

People are asking this question now into their 40′s, 50′s, 60′s and beyond. The average person switches careers seven times in his or her life. This can be scary yet also filled with opportunity.

 

You’ve probably heard the excuses of staying in a job where the passion is gone. “What would other people think? How could I afford to go back to school, pay my bills, or get insurance?” All are perfectly logical arguments, but what price are people paying not living with passion and purpose?

 

Release the fear for a minute. Imagine a life where “work” was so compelling, so interesting, so in line with your purpose that it didn’t feel like work at all. Sound too good to be true?

 

Remember, your career is only one aspect of your life. However, as a full time employee, you spend roughly one-third of your waking time at work, so making a change can significantly transform how you experience your world.

 

As a life coach, I help people look at where they are right now. Several of my clients are in the midst of a career change. It’s scary and exhilarating all at the same time. Sometimes they are flying high with enthusiasm; sometimes they are feeling overwhelmed. As we work together, the important thing is that they are moving forward.

Perhaps, like my lunch date, your current career fulfills you, but you long for something more. Life coaching can help develop new aspects to keep you moving forward – in any area of your life.

 

Back to my lunch example: You should have seen his eyes light up when we began to explore how he could bring out more of himself by adding a new dimension to his career. When we finished lunch, he had some homework, a new direction he wanted to pursue (without leaving his current job) AND a better understanding of the power of life coaching.

 

I’m not sure what will happen from here, but he is moving forward, with passion, in a direction he has longed to pursue, but just hasn’t gotten around to it. Think about what could happen with a little forward movement in your life.

 

Coaching Challenge:

On a sheet of paper, make a large “T” dividing the sheet into two halves. On the left side of the T write, “Things I want less of,” and on the right side write, “Things I want more of…” Select one area on which to focus. For this example, let’s focus on Career. Describe aspects of your current situation that you would like to decrease (left side). In the career situation, it might include the number of hours you work, office politics, the type of work you do, the clients you keep. On the right side of the T, use your imagination to describe the things you would like to increase. This could be more clients, fewer/more hours, a supportive boss, etc.

 

As you look at the chart, notice where you are and where you are heading. It’s like navigating a trip. You have to know where you are and where you are going to determine how to get there. The T Chart helps you see both points and now you can begin to make your plan as to how to get there. On the left side, cross off each item you want less of and fold the paper in half so you can only see the right side of the paper. Read through the “Things I want more of…” list each day to open the space to bring these items into your life.

 

The other day I was talking to a hair stylist about life coaching. People find themselves in the stylist’s chair revealing very personal experiences, feelings, hopes and dreams. For some reason, just sitting in the chair helps people to relax and relate. As I explained how coaching helps people get “un-stuck,” the stylist’s eyes lit up as I explained that coaching helps people who desire change, long for movement and clarity, yet often don’t know where to start. It’s not counseling or therapy where you’re dwelling on the past,” I explained. “It’s more about movement and looking at where you are right now and where you want to go. It could be answering questions like, ‘what have I wanted to do, but haven’t?’” She immediately rattled off two or three clients who could use this type of service and then paused as if she were answering this question for herself.

We all know someone who seems to have the same old drama going on in his/her life. This is the person who gets you on the phone and goes on and on and on about the same thing. “And then she said…so I said…and it just isn’t fair, he shouldn’t be doing that.” But when you ask your friend how she is going to move forward in the situation, she is either speechless or begins to tell you more about the he-said/she-said story. It becomes an endless loop. One of my clients recently said coaching has helped her realize how many choices she really has. In our coaching sessions, we might begin with something that is happening in her life and then look for even deeper meaning including values, goals and expectations that perhaps are not being met. I ask her what changes she’d like to make and brainstorm ways to make it happen. As her coach, I become her accountability system to make sure she is not just talking about it, but really choosing to make movement. It’s very action and results oriented which most people find very empowering. The next time you find yourself or someone close to you relating their “story” and describing what he said/she said, etc. ask, “Do you want to remain stuck? What do you get out of being the victim? “She may not answer “yes,” but her continual ongoing story, will help you to realize what is really happening and give you the option to remove your energy and attention from her drama. If you choose to stay in her stuck energy, aren’t you really choosing to remain stuck yourself? Coaching Challenge: Take a few minutes to answer the questions (in a journal, if possible):

• What am I tolerating in my life?
• Where do I limit myself?
• What are the possibilities?

By reflecting on these questions, you may reveal some places in your own life where you might be stuck. Realizing this is the start to moving forward. Are you ready and willing to move forward?

I ran into someone the other day and he started to talk about a life change he had recently undergone. He explained how he never realized how much strain he had been under until he changed jobs. Looking back he saw how his work schedule had imposed on his ability to be present for his family, which ultimately resulted in a divorce. His previous work schedule had nearly consumed him and threatened everything that was important in his life.

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Now that he had moved on, he could see where he had been stuck and said he regretted not having made the change sooner. Why don’t we change when everything around us is screaming – “GET OUT!”?

I told him the story of the frog in the pot. If you try to put a frog into a pot of boiling water, it will immediately jump out. If, however, you put the frog into a pot of water and slowly turn up the heat, the frog gets used to it. Once it realizes it is boiling, it can’t jump out because it is either incapacitated or dead. We don’t take charge and make changes because we don’t pause long enough to realize that the temperature is rising and it’s getting hot!

How often do you check with your inner voice? What is the temperature of the water in your life? What are you tolerating in the important areas of your life – Career, Spirituality, Recreation, Romance, Health, Living Space, Family, Finances? We get SO busy that our alert systems shut down. The battery dies…and so do we, slowly.

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Life Coaching is a great place to notice the temperature of the water you swim in every day. Are you treading water, swimming laps, gliding underwater, sinking or boiling? In this analogy, perhaps coaching can be seen as a life raft in the middle of the ocean of life. Coaching pulls you out of the water long enough to breathe, reflect, rest, and decide what’s next.

By simply noticing where you are, you’ve taken the first step and can make some powerful choices to move your life forward. Right now, make a commitment to yourself – it may be a very small step — to move forward. The real question is, if you continued to actively make small steps forward, where would you be in a week? A month? A year?

Coaching Challenge: Draw a circle and divide it into eight even pieces. Label the wedges: Career, Spirituality, Recreation, Romance, Health, Living Space, Family, Finances.  The center of the circle is 1 and the outside edge of the circle is a 10. Rank your satisfaction in each area of your life with a 1 meaning least satisfied and a 10 meaning completely satisfied.  Then draw a straight or curved line between the dots to create a new outer edge. What does your wheel look like now? Does your wheel look like a flat tire? If this was a real wheel, would the ride be smooth or bumpy?

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This is a quick way to gauge the temperature of your life’s water and determine which areas are “hot.” In the areas that you ranked as low, imagine what an 8, 9 or even a 10 would be like? How would the wheel (your life) look and feel then?

Whether you compare it to a frog, water, a boat or a wheel, it truly is your life – your one and only — and you are the one experiencing it. Take a minute to get into the life coaching boat and notice how hot the water really is. Now the important question, “What are you going to do about it?”