Change Your Story to Change Your Life
Over the holidays I attended several parties and practiced the fine art of small talk. It begins with your name, a brief description of who you are and what makes you and your life important. It sounds like this: “My name is Sheri. I am a Life Coach. I am married and have three kids.” And then they tell their “story.”
Our “story” is how we describe who we are. Although it is an easy way to relate to people, it often becomes the way that we pigeonhole ourselves. As we say and hear our story over and over again, we begin to accept that this is who we are and all we will ever be. “That’s my story and I’m sticking to it,” becomes our mantra. However, that mantra can keep you stuck when you tell the same story long after you’ve outgrown many parts of it.
Parts of the story can include phrases like, “I’m no good at math,” or “I’m not good talking to people I don’t know,” or “I’m always late.” It becomes a chicken and egg type of question. Is your behavior the BASIS to your story or is it the RESULT of your story? What is the cause and what is the effect?
Since the coach-client relationship is more than small talk, it’s easy to catch when a client is trapped in his or her story and see opportunities to explore new chapters and variations of the story.
Jan was a new client who felt stuck. Her “story” consisted of being a housewife, raising two children and working part time. During our first meeting, she explained how unimportant these things felt to her. She cried as she described how empty she felt. Her “story” had become a re-run. It was predictable, boring and old.
As we explored further, Jan had several ideas, ways to paint the story different colors and write new chapters, but she was scared to admit that she longed to do so. One of the best ways to help her was to suggest stepping WAY out. So, when she mentioned her love of writing, I suggested writing a story and submitting it to her favorite magazine. “Wouldn’t it be great to have your story published and have thousands of people read it?”
There was dead silence. “I could never do that!” she said. “But I could draft a story on raising two boys,” she said. “I have a good sense of humor and could tell some funny anecdotes. I’m not sure if I would submit it to a magazine, but I could write it.” There was her first step. She was actively changing her story!
The great thing about your story is that you are the author and have complete control over how it is told. It can be changed at any time – if you decide to do so. Maybe if you change your story, you can also change how you experience your life. “I’m good at math…good at meeting new people and I am usually on time. “
What is the story you tell about yourself? Do you enjoy it or are you sick of it? Add in something new, exciting and true every time you tell it. It is much more entertaining to both you and your listener. Perhaps if you change your story, you will change your life!
Coaching Challenge: Think back to the last time you introduced yourself or related your “story.” Sit down with a friend or write in your journal your current story. What do you tell yourself and others? Does your story lead you towards your purpose in life?
If you feel stuck in your “story,” then change it! Be creative! Explore what would make it exciting, brilliant, dramatic, or fun. Then set a goal to re-write the story. When was the last time yours was updated? Your story is how you describe your life. What story are you telling? It’s probably the same story you are living!
Tags: networking, purpose, small talk