Changing Priorities
Kayla and I met for our seventh and last coaching session. She originally contacted me wanting to reach a specific career objective. Kayla wasn’t the type of person who needed help setting goals or in determining how to reach them. Although quite young, Kayla had been successful in school and in her career.
Reflecting back to our first session, her appearance, energy, and clothing were different than today. Kayla was always very professional– a suit or skirt, her make-up perfect, and she was always “on.” Today she looked comfortable, relaxed and full of life. What originally brought her to coaching took a back seat to what we discovered was really important to her. Here’s what happened:
Eight months ago, Kayla’s boss had challenged her to take the next step in her career. Coaching was to help her to stay on track. Up to this point, Kayla had successfully balanced her career with the needs of her family and of herself. She had been married 5 years and had an energetic 18-month old son.
We initially looked for ways to gain the time she needed to reach her goals. Since her most productive time was in the mornings before Anthony woke up, she decided to get up two hours early. For accountability and to establish the habit, she would email me at 5 a.m. for the first two weeks.
The next day her email came at 5:05 a.m. I smiled, knowing she had met her goal. Over the next two weeks, I only received two more 5 a.m. emails.
“It’s too much!” she said at our next session. “I’m trying to stay present for my family; I’ve been so irritated with Anthony; and my team members are struggling and I can’t help them. I can’t do this.”
I listened with compassion. We talked about her emotions and re-visited her goals, trying to determine what her priorities were now. She explained, “In the past, I would keep my eyes on the goal until I got there. Now it seems like the goal is changing. I thought I wanted this promotion, but I am not willing to pay the price.”
It didn’t sound like a cop-out. It was an honest realization.
How do you know when to keep moving forward and when to acknowledge that your goals have changed? It’s a fine line. Growing up, many of us learned that when you want something, you move forward until you get there.
As you grow and change, your goals may need to shift. It may be necessary to revisit your values and true priorities. The real measure is how much passion do you still have for the prize? Over time, with more tools, knowledge and evidence, you can make a better decision about which goals to keep and how to get there. Don’t let old priorities prevent you from moving towards what’s important today. That is how years and decades can slip by.
In leaving that session, Kayla came up with two brilliant action steps. First, she would tell her manager that her career goals had changed. Second, she would take time for herself and her family.
This brings me to our closing session. Kayla walked in wearing jeans and a sweatshirt and plopped in my chair. She was back to being herself and she was radiating with life! When Kayla and I embarked on this journey, we both thought we were heading in a completely different direction. Our closing session was not about her career at all. It was about discovering what her true priorities and values were, acknowledging that and moving forward.
Keep your eye on the prize, but be open to the prize changing.
Coaching Challenge: Write your top five priorities in life including any of the eight areas of life: family & friends, career, significant other, fun & recreation, health, money, personal growth, physical environment. List your top five priorities in order. What is most important to you? Use that same list to prioritize how you spend your time. Review the list to see if you are spending time in the areas that are most important to you. Review the list every month to see if anything has shifted. By simply being aware of your priorities, you can more clearly make choices as to how you spend your time and energy.